Notes from a contraction

For the past six weeks or so, I’ve been in a period of higher-than-usual gumption, or “proactivity” if that’s not too psychobabble for you. Starting, strangely enough, with the passing of my mother and holding steady through this weekend. But now I seem to be fading, or contracting perhaps. I’m off my exercise regimen (but not my diet, at least), can’t seem to bring myself to study my tech books, am practicing ukulele less, and haven’t been able to bring myself to blog until now. In short, almost all the things I’ve been proud of keeping up recently seem to be falling by the wayside.

On the one hand, maybe this is a sign that there’s a part of me that has been feeling the need to relax, and that this is something I need to accommodate. On the other hand, I don’t want this slackness to go on for too long, as it has often done in the past. Most especially, I don’t want my gains in muscle training (meager though they may be at this point) to fall away to nothing. Maybe I can get back on track Saturday and train straght through to Friday.

Ooh, Saturday — when I have my next appointment with my productivity coach, oh god. When I will abase myself at her feet and cry out, “I have fallen! I have turned away from all your wise guidance and allowed myself to lie fallow and idle! Forgive this unworthy wretch and lead me back to the ways of rectitude!” To which she will undoubtedly think to herself “WTF?!?” But maybe she’ll have some constructive suggestions. I think that part of my motivation for hiring a coach was to experience exactly this discomfort when I stray from the program. So be it.

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